Contrary to what most would believe, narcissists do not target the weak for reoccurring ‘narcissistic supply.’ They have no respect for weakness and no desire of obtaining someone ‘just anyone could have’ for a partner. They want someone who would be considered a ‘trophy.’
To them, the ultimate ego boost is to make a strong, independent person completely dependent on them. Once (s)he has him/her, the narc immediately begins to carve away at the victim’s confidence. If dumped by the victim, it only challenges the narcissist to try harder. Every time (s)he can convince the victim to take him/her back, or accept a lie, that is another dose of ‘supply.’
Generally speaking, the perfect target for a narcissist is an empath. Empaths mostly operate from love, humility, and giving to others, and have a natural gift for healing and teaching. What often makes them vulnerable is that many have developed codependent behaviors in childhood in order to please others and to deal with the overwhelming unfairness in the world. Empaths who were abused as children can develop exaggerated codependency issues and depend on others to define their worth.
When an empath and a narcissist unite, the relationship becomes hyper toxic. It creates a magnetic yet dysfunctional union. The empath’s purpose is to facilitate healing in others. Narcissists are insatiable and incurable, and the empath gives to the point of exhaustion. Because of these tendencies, the unaware empath often finds him/herself not only being targeted by a narcissist, but staying in a relationship with a toxic personality for too long and the damage to him/her is compounded.
But beyond simply being an empathic individual, there are other traits that narcissists look for in the hunt for the ‘perfect victim’:
1) Intelligence. Narcs seek out very bright, intelligent and highly skilled victims. They look for enthusiasm and passion.
2) Good work ethic. They look for victims to be very responsible and hard workers, and always achieving excellence in their assigned responsibilities.
3) Perfectionists. Victims tend to believe nothing they do is good enough, thus doubting their true worth and always striving to receive acknowledgement.
4) Dependable. Victims are always ready to help others and tend to keep a low profile, not wishing to overshadow friends and work colleagues.
5) Underlying low self-confidence. Victims of emotional abuse crave acknowledgement from their partner, though forever doubting their worthiness of it. This is what makes them extremely vulnerable.
Another thing to consider is that some people were raised in a family where one or both parents, or an older sibling, had strong narcissistic tendencies. Disordered behaviors were considered normal. So as they mature, they don’t readily recognize the warning signs. They have too much patience with inappropriate behavior and dismiss bizarre actions as personality quirks. We’re all drawn to what is familiar, and unfortunately for many targets, bad behavior is what feels comfortable.
And so, with that said, we can safely assume that it is not the weak who are targeted to provide steady ‘narcissistic supply,’ but rather the strong-willed, compassionate people who have something valuable to offer a narcissist, but just don’t give themselves enough credit for their abilities and accomplishments. Humility, however a wonderful trait of ‘nice’ people, can be a weakness, making one vulnerable to emotional predators.
Have you ever been told you’re ‘too nice’?